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This Weekend’s Discovery With My Inner Self.

This Weekend’s Discovery With My Inner Self.

Firstly, I will like to apologize for not posting anything this weekend. I was preparing myself mentally for the Superbowl. Unfortunately, the Pats lost, but I’m okay.

Anyway, back to update on my week/weekend. Last Friday I discovered a few more interesting things about myself and anxiety which led to asking myself “am I the only one who hates change and feels more insecure when very anxious?’.  I also talked briefly about it on how anxiety affects relationships if you are interested, be sure to check it out.

 

On Friday, I went to work as usual. Afterwards, I had a hair appointment and wanted to experience a dramatic change in my hairstyle and color. By the time I arrived at my appointment location, I was already super excited about getting a new look like it was going to change how I viewed myself both from the inside and outside.  I picked out the hair color and style I wanted. A few hours later the hairdo is complete, and I despise it. It was the worst mistake I have ever made this year. The hair color turned out different from the actual color I picked. It was then that I realized how much I hate change. Although I wanted a new dramatic look, I never really thought it would make me feel uncomfortable with myself. Long story short, I toned it down to what I’m familiar with – no change and same style.

 

That same day after my hair appointment I proceeded to driving home. On my way home, I kept thinking about the good news I received from my boyfriend earlier. I was overly excited about it which led to me feeling very anxious thinking about the future and possible upcoming changes. Fast forward to me arriving home. At this point, I’m trying my best to hide my feelings of anxiety and insecurities, so I sat in my car for about 20 minutes trying to figure out why I feel so anxious and insecure about a change that is yet to happen. That’s when I realized I feel insecure for several reasons; I don’t know how to deal with change, and I sometimes don’t feel like I’m good enough which is why I strive every day to be the best me I can be.

 

I love myself for trying every day to be a better person, for trying not to beat myself up, and for being able to discover novel things about myself. Most importantly, I am very grateful for my family and the support system that I have.

 

“I think we are all insecure, and there is nothing wrong in accepting that. But the problem arises when we try to counter this insecurity by cultivating this illusion of control, and we start taking ourselves and everything we know too seriously”.

 

XX

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